Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Boundaries... with kids part 2

The manager is hard for me, because letting Truett have consequences and following through with them hurt me almost as much as him. It is most often easier for me to use the rod, or spank, than to use consequences for his actions. I don't recommend replacing the rod, or belt, or whatever you use for utter disobedience or for the things that you have told him (or her) he will get a spanking for. But I really need to start using "If... Then". What I mean is that I should tell Truett "If you push your brother then you will not have any lights on at night night time or no swords for 3 days (a very big deal).

The book, Boundaries for kids explains that a manager makes sure things get done. Goals are reached, demands and expectations are met. Children aren't born with self-discipline this is something "caught", learned through example and explanation. This is why other "discipline" is necessary.

I've heard of the phrase "fake it, til you make it" in business. In child-rearing, boundaries facilitate the process of having the child internalize things that were external to him. What was once external becomes internal. Setting limits and requiring the child to take ownership and responsibility entail a clear understanding of boundaries.

If a farmer had no fence with hundreds of livestock we would think he was a very foolish farmer. But a parent with no boundaries for their child is just as foolish. As is, the parent who has too many boundaries that the child is insecure in taking any risk and therefore will not grow.

I've learned that I must give Truett small (age appropriate tasks such as taking care of his things and household jobs) and outline what will happen if doesn't follow through with the task. I will have to stick to the consequences. This is hard for me and him but best for him in his life. I must do the right things!

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